The way that men and women relate

Women and men relate to problems in entirely different ways. Men seem to relate in one of two ways. They can either talk (or yell) it out with their mate, or they completely shut down making their mate feel about an inch tall. But if their women did those same things then they'd be P.M.S.'ng, or being bitches. Women deal with things (generally) by wanting to talk (or yell) things out. They want to get to the root of the problem so the two parties can work things out. Because in the end, people work things out, or they end things. Men think that they can deal with it and its over. But its not over for us. Trust me, if we haven't dealt with it calmly and maturely together, then we can't just get over it. And fellas, if we're trying to work things out, then obviously we don't want to end things. And the next time you want to shut us out, remember that two can play at that game, and you wouldn't like it if we just acted like you didn't exist because we were upset with you. That would be about the time that you grabbed your coat, car keys, and went to grab a beer with the boys, or if you don't drink that'd be about the time you would shut yourself in the room with the tv or video game system. Either way, you wouldn't like it.

Growth

It's so easy to fall for someone, it's falling back out of love that's the hard part. Especially when you know you were fooled. I was so easily fooled. Fooled into thinking he was a good man I could trust. Fooled into thinking that the man I laid next to was getting a phone call at 11 at night from a female "friend". My friends don't call me that late at night. And then there was all the things that came far too late. The things I couldn't overlook. And I am a girl who tends to overlook even the hugest of failures for love. But how can a man who offered to give up his kid if he didn't have to pay child support, love anyone other than himself? How could he love me? How could he love my children? And owing thousands of dollars in child support, then saying he'd kill himself before going to prison. I could never put myself or my children through that. See, that's the thing. It's not just me. I have two babies to think about. And all the pretty words and empty promises in the world could never be more important than what's best for my kids.

I realize I have come very far since last year. Maybe it was the move, maybe I've just grown. But I have learned my lesson about settling, or hoping someone will change. People don't change, they are who they are, and no amount of love is going to change that. I could love someone with reckless abandon, and if they're a cheating, lying, selfish bastard in the beginning, then they will be a cheating, lying selfish bastard in the end. And you know what? I DESERVE BETTER. MY KIDS DESERVE BETTER. We are a package deal. You don't get me without my kids, and when I asked my kids if they liked him, they said no. Enough said.

My point is I've grown a lot in the past year. In the past, I wouldn't have been able to walk away. I would've stayed and just dealt, and made excuses. I would've waited until he left, then mourned this "wonderful" man I had lost. Now I was able to recognize he wasn't wonderful, and I can and will do better. I now know what I will and wont put up with. So, in the end, there was only one thing he gave me...clarity. And I was able to walk away. And I will NEVER look back.

At a standstill....

Right now, my dating life is at a standstill. The last date I went on was to a movie, and it was ok. It was nothing compared to the previous date I had...back in May. Now that date was one for the record books. And yeah,  I know I can't compare all the other guys to him, but this date wasn't even close. And less than a week passed before true colors began to show. But I stayed true to myself and told him I"m not having sex until I'm married. And he was gone. Oh well, on to the next.

LESSON #1

Guys, come on. This isn't that difficult. Generally, when you meet a girl, you want to try and impress them. You want to get them interested on some level whether it be your looks, your career, your personality, whatever it is, you want to make it to at least the first date. Here is what YOU DO NOT DO:

You do not, under any circumstance, on an inital phonecall reveal any of the following:

You don't tell her that if she doesn't know what beer pong is, you can't talk.

You don't tell her about the time you got arrested for a dui and drug posession charge, and how you ate your weed while the officer was running your licence.

You don't tell her how after your posessions charge, you try to cross over into Canada for some more "fun", and  then get kicked out of Canada.

And you probably don't want to tell a single mother of two that because you dont have an ex wife or kids you've been able to have a "good" life.

No, sorry buddy. There were too many strikes to count. And that last one? well that was three strikes all on its own.

NEXT....

Dating

In this intricate world of dating, there are many different avenues one can take. There is traditional meet and greet dating, there is speed dating, there is "setup" dating, and of course the infamous online dating. For one, such as myself, online dating can provide the convenience of dating when your schedule doesn't allow for a lot of extra time, or if you're not into the meet-at-a-bar-and-hook up kind of dating. While online dating can be more convenient, and you can see a picture of a person ahead of time (if that's actually them in the picture), it can also be a tedious process. You have to weed out the real people from the fakes, the honest people from the liars, those who offer you what you are wanting against those who do not. Like I said, a very tedious project. But in the end, if you're really lucky, you just might find that needle in a haystack you've been looking for. However, if you're not so lucky, you may find yourself disappointed, or at least humored.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take you along on my dating adventures. And reveal to you lessons learned, as I learn them.