Growth

It's so easy to fall for someone, it's falling back out of love that's the hard part. Especially when you know you were fooled. I was so easily fooled. Fooled into thinking he was a good man I could trust. Fooled into thinking that the man I laid next to was getting a phone call at 11 at night from a female "friend". My friends don't call me that late at night. And then there was all the things that came far too late. The things I couldn't overlook. And I am a girl who tends to overlook even the hugest of failures for love. But how can a man who offered to give up his kid if he didn't have to pay child support, love anyone other than himself? How could he love me? How could he love my children? And owing thousands of dollars in child support, then saying he'd kill himself before going to prison. I could never put myself or my children through that. See, that's the thing. It's not just me. I have two babies to think about. And all the pretty words and empty promises in the world could never be more important than what's best for my kids.

I realize I have come very far since last year. Maybe it was the move, maybe I've just grown. But I have learned my lesson about settling, or hoping someone will change. People don't change, they are who they are, and no amount of love is going to change that. I could love someone with reckless abandon, and if they're a cheating, lying, selfish bastard in the beginning, then they will be a cheating, lying selfish bastard in the end. And you know what? I DESERVE BETTER. MY KIDS DESERVE BETTER. We are a package deal. You don't get me without my kids, and when I asked my kids if they liked him, they said no. Enough said.

My point is I've grown a lot in the past year. In the past, I wouldn't have been able to walk away. I would've stayed and just dealt, and made excuses. I would've waited until he left, then mourned this "wonderful" man I had lost. Now I was able to recognize he wasn't wonderful, and I can and will do better. I now know what I will and wont put up with. So, in the end, there was only one thing he gave me...clarity. And I was able to walk away. And I will NEVER look back.